101 Nuggets of Mainstream Media Wisdom - By Joeyspy

Below is a list of wisdom I've gleaned from mainstream media. I've put it in a big list of 101 of the most important points. People seem to like lists, especially top 10 lists. This list has 101 items though, so it's exactly 10.1 times better. Enjoy!

1. Experts have proven that thinking can cause brain cancer.

2. Don’t think for yourself or pay any heed to those that do so, unless, of course, they are on TV.

3. The opinions of people that are on TV are superior to yours in all circumstances, we have experts people, experts!

4. Don’t grow your own food at any time.

5. Organic food is bad for you and genetically modified food is good for you. Our science is far better than mother-nature.

6. One in four Americans are mentally ill. Take as many drugs from pharmaceutical companies as possible, but taking any other drugs will support terrorists and turn you into a terrorist, or a maniac, or a terrorist maniac.

7. The New World Order, The Bilderberg Group, and others that terrorists allege exist, in fact, do not exist.

8. Corporate food is healthier than home cooking.

9. Killing innocent people is OK if sanctioned by the government.

10. The more fanatically and zealously you follow your religion, the better.

11. People that work for the government are smarter, hotter, and have the amazing ability to completely dodge any and all relevant questions, and just overall better than you are. You should be thankful you have them to do your thinking for you.

12. George Bush is the greatest president the US has ever seen. On second thought, he is the greatest leader in the entire history of the human race.

13. Royalty serves a practical purpose. They really are direct descendants of god.

14. Don’t support grass roots music, movements, or businesses. Corporations are bigger and richer, so they obviously know how to help your community more than these pathetic small timers.

15. The talking heads on television are far wiser and more intelligent than the older generation. Don’t listen to advice from seniors! They don’t even know how to play Xbox!

16. Don’t help others or be concerned about their wellbeing at all. As long as you have nice furniture in your house/apartment/cell, starving, destitute or homeless neighbors won’t interfere with your TV picture quality.

17. It’s better to have everyone constantly struggling against each other for survival than it is to help the other members of your community, period. It’s just human nature. Struggling to get the shiniest items is totally natural.

18. Art, philosophy, culture, meaningful music, deep contemplation, and critical self-reflection are all complete wastes of time.

19. Conversely, watching sports, sitcoms or movies, binge drinking, regurgitating left /right wing political views, fighting, etc. are great ways to spend the vast majority of your time.

20. If you don’t have a university degree, you are, in fact, useless. (Please see item 21)

21. Suicide is pretty good, but if you really want to be cool, killing innocent people around you and then killing yourself or dying in a shoot out with the police is way better.

22. The police never make mistakes, and there isn’t one corrupt officer in any of the world’s police forces.

23. White people are better than all other people.

24. White people don’t tell lies, steal, cheat, commit treason, abuse, rape, pillage, murder, smell bad, defecate, manipulate banking systems, enslave populations, use biological or chemical weapons, or do anything viewed as “evil”.

25. Since white people are better than others, learning about other cultures, or studying other languages are massive wastes of time.

26. Most black people want to kill white people, those blacks that don’t want to kill white people, at least want to rape them and steal their wallets.

27. Asian people all eat very strange things, like animals. People that eat too much seafood are terrorists.

28. Latin Americans are all extremely lazy, violent and stupid!

29. A person that has brown skin is either a terrorist, or a terrorist in training.

30. The amendment that allows Americans to own firearms was put into law so that white people could shoot black people, not because the founding fathers feared tyranny.

31. Our experts have proven that when approaching any and all political problems there can only be two possible solutions. One solution being more government control, the other being more corporate control. It's positively impossible for other possibilities to be possible.

32. People killed by dictators deserved what they got, including the women and especially the children.

33. Children cannot be trusted under any circumstances.

34. He who dies with the most money does, in fact, win.

35. Money, trinkets, gadgets, objects, and social status are far more important than knowledge of self and morality.

36. Morality is a mental illness. Conspiracy theorists are also mentally ill. Don’t engage in debate with these dangerous individuals. Quote something you saw on TV, and repeat it over and over, and then insult them if they have more facts and/or researched information than you have. If all else fails get angry and ignore them then report them to the police because they are probably terrorists.

37. Knowledge of self is paganism.

38. Celebrities and models in magazines are better than you because they have nice abs and are like totally hot! The strange unintelligible language that so eloquently spews forth from most celebrity mouths (For example, Brittany Spears, or that pageant contestant who gave the stirring beauty pageant speech about “The Iraq”, etc.) is actually a very high class form of English that most people have yet to learn, let alone appreciate. Try to find the deeper meaning in what they say. Here’s an abundantly obvious example of the wisdom and insight of celebrities: “It’s like totally like higher things, like the fucking Chanel or LV of like thinking and stuff, like yeah, totally, you know…? Whatever, you know, like right? We should just totally like trust our president!” Truly breathtaking, now that is deep!

39. Buy as many products as possible that allow you to look more like a model or celebrity depicted in a magazine. The more expensive the garment or cosmetic, the better, obviously.

40. What’s on the outside is more important than what is on the inside.

41. The name brand of your respective garments is of utmost importance.

42. The army is a wonderful employment opportunity for all citizens. Join the army as soon as possible before all of the good jobs are gone!

43. The government takes good care of its soldiers.

44. Life in Iraq and Afghanistan is pretty good. They are liberated! The insurgents have yet to get the memo, their fax lines were down.

45. Depleted uranium shells actually help fight disease.

46. Israel never commits war crimes and the people of Palestine are a well armed, well organized force that threatens Israel’s very existence. Palestinians are super rich too, and obviously all terrorists. Israel is clearly the victim in this situation.

47. If we don’t kill the terrorists now, they will kill millions of us. In fact if it wasn’t for the CIA and FBI, research shows that 92% of the west’s population would have been wiped out by sinister terrorist attacks.

48. The United States does not sell weapons to terrorists. They only sell weapons to the good guys. Terrorists and terrorist supporting countries have their own massive weapons manufacturing conglomerates and do not obtain their weapons from multinational corporations with intimate ties to members of the US government.

49. Iraq was loaded with weapons of mass destruction. Iraq was also responsible for the 9-11 attacks.

50. The US didn’t put Saddam Hussein in power to fight Iran nor give him any weapons of mass destruction. That picture of Rumsfeld shaking Saddam’s hand is proven to only exist in the minds of terrorists.

51. War is fun and natural. Tanks, fighter planes, guns, and bombs are all completely natural.

52. If you encounter something you don’t understand the best course of action is to fear it, or at least ignore it.

53. Christianity is the best religion! All other religions and beliefs are stupid and dangerous. Non-Christians are terrorists.

54. The 9-11 terrorist attacks were carried out by terrorists. The government’s story isn’t illogical, full of holes, blatant propaganda, contradictory to the laws of physics, insulting to even a primate’s intelligence, or completely implausible. Avoid looking at both sides of the argument and don’t try to decide for yourself (Please see items 1 & 2). People in the so-called “9-11 Truth Movement” are terrorists trying to get their terrorist boyfriends off the hook. The “truth” in “Truth Movement” is an anagram for terrorist according to our counter-terrorist linguistic experts. If you don’t agree with the government’s theory, you may be suffering from brain cancer caused by thinking for yourself, or you may be mentally ill. Perhaps you aren’t taking enough pharmaceuticals? Perhaps you’re a terrorist and should report yourself to the local police department.

55. The human race has mastered all sciences, don’t bother asking any questions. Darwin nailed it over 100 years ago and even with all the new knowledge and technology available today, we haven’t found a single problem with his entire theory. You’re the man Charles! People who question Darwin’s theories are proven by the theory of evolution to be terrorists.

56. The human race is the highest form of intellectual life in the entire universe.

57. For men: Have sex with as many women as possible. Lie to and cheat on your girlfriend or wife as much as possible.

58. For men: If you are faced with a situation wherein you must make a choice between what your conscious says, and what your penis says, always go with the penis. It’s a no-brainer.

59. For men: Impregnate as many women as possible and take care of the resulting offspring as little as possible. Completely cut the babies and their respective mothers out of your life if possible. Beating them a lot seems to work well.

60. For men: Instead of saving money for your offspring’s future, buy items that make you look more attractive to women, so that you can have sex with more women resulting in more offspring. Single parents are good for the economy, do your part!

61. For women: Use your sexuality for financial gain as much as possible.

62. For women: Try to only have relationships with rich men. The richer a man is the better he will treat you. Hopefully you’ll get pregnant and be able to sue him! You can’t sue poor men girls! Hello!

63. For women: Self respect isn’t sexy ladies!

64. For women: Always believe men, especially when they’re trying to have sex with you.

65. For women: Education and intelligence are for men, just dress as sexy as possible and find a rich man to take care of you. Having sex on the first date is a great start. If you are concerned that your breasts aren’t big enough, get plastic surgery to rectify the problem as soon as possible. Men love massive unnatural tits. If you don’t have the money for the aforementioned procedure, consider a career in prostitution, or at least stripping to supplement your income.

66. Never use birth control.

67. Sexual transmitted diseases aren’t that bad.

68. AIDS came from monkeys! It had nothing to do with the World Health Organization, or the Strecker Memorandum that CAN’T be easily found on Google video. (The Strecker Memorandum also CAN'T be found on this blog.)

69. The problems in South America and Africa have absolutely nothing to do with imperialism, or slavery, or United Fruit.

70. Presidents or governments the US want to be in power are always the best candidates. Opponents of US policies are terrorists.

71. There are millions of terrorists living in every country on earth. Countries with a majority of Muslim citizens have well over approximately just about 79.4647% terrorist citizens, you know ballpark.

72. People who don’t agree with the government’s policies or ideas are terrorists.

73. Maoist China was the apex of human social structure.

74. If someone can’t speak English, it means that they are stupid.

75. French people suck because the TV says so! Freedom fries are delicious!

76. People that lived in the past were all stupid. Today, we’re far more intelligent and whatever they said should be ignored. Terrorists like to read about history.

77. Questioning the government is a sin.

78. Your worth as a human being is directly related to the worth of your items.

79. Fear is way cooler than love.

80. Hate is safer than understanding.

81. We are able to create peace through war.

82. Journalists always present the truth in a fair and balanced way.

83. The majority of the population isn’t brainwashed.

84. If you don’t have a job, you are worthless. (Please see item 21)

85. Take news stories as the truth, there is never anything more to add to the story. In addition, complex issues can, in fact, be fully explained by anchormen in 2-4 minutes.

86. Your opinion is completely your own.

87. There is nothing going on behind the scenes. Go back to sleep and everything will be fine.

88. People in the past were lied to by governments, but governments totally quit doing that.

89. There are absolutely no lessons to be learned from the past. Your high school history class is adequate education about the past, even if you didn’t graduate, or attend high school history class at all.

90. All inventions and concepts that have benefited the world were thought up by white people.

91. There is no wisdom in any of the earth’s ancient cultures. Those idiots!

92. If you don’t have a TV, a computer, and a car you are a failure. (Please see item 21)

93. Nature is your enemy and therefore renewable energy sources are for pussies. You aren’t a pussy, are you?

94. Wild animals are a scourge to humanity! They must be eliminated before they claw us all to death.

95. Nature is inferior to modern science.

96. Al Gore really cares about the environment, and his recommendations should be followed without question.

97. After many years of debate over global warming, we’ve concluded that taxes are the only solution. In addition, to combat global warming we must reduce the earth’s population, drastically. (Please see item 21)

98. People shouldn’t express themselves through music. Homogenization of all music by corporations is better.

99. Plastic surgery for purely cosmetic purposes is not only guaranteed to vastly improve your life, but it’s also an excellent way for doctors’ to use their healing gift. Also, when you go to heaven you get extra points with St. Michael for having huge knockers. If you go to hell, you’re still covered because the devil totally digs huge boobs too.

100. If you are overweight, or other people don’t say that you are beautiful/handsome then you obviously don’t deserve to live. (Please see item 21)

101. You are a simple creature. There are people on this planet that are simply better than you are, and you should listen to their thoughts and opinions only. The television has been a gift from god and whatever flashes upon its screen is the truth, and shouldn’t be questioned under any circumstances. You are most certainly not a beautiful, wonderful, strong, powerful, intelligent, spiritual, living majestic personification of the creator. According to our experts, no higher connection between you and your fellowman, or a higher power exists, turns out we (the media and government) are said higher power. Attempting to open your mind is proven to lead to terrorism. Stop thinking about these things, things are just as they seem on TV. Stop thinking, don’t worry, be happy, the game’s on…